I Hate You
by Xairathan
Summary: There's a chance things could have gone differently, but the hatred stays the same.


The words echo in her mind, rattling around the empty shell she calls Asuka Langley Sohryu. _She's not me! _she screams internally, trying to force the ghosts of her younger selves back into their graves. The small girl in her mind's eye screeches like a banshee; the present Asuka curls in tighter on herself and flinches away. _Not me, not me, not me-_

Why are you here, damn you?! You won't help me! You won't even hold me! You're no one! No one! NO ONE!

Go away, she begs of the voices. She sees baka-Shinji and that damn doll pass before her, and lashes out blindly. Her fists pass through the specters, their forms distorting and reaching for her with grasping hands. _I hate you both, I hate you all, I hate everyone!_

You must open your heart to EVA.

Asuka, you're the only one who can help me!

_Shut up!_

I am not a doll.

You- you were calling for your mother.

_I don't need anyone!_

The image of Shinji fades away and vanishes; the one of Rei swells to fill her vision, pale skin glowing in the darkness. The apparition reaches for her; Asuka slaps the hand away and is surprised to make contact. The ghostly Rei remains before her, crouching patiently with hands folded over her knees. The sight reminds her of a young girl in a dress, begging for her mother's approval and attention. "I hate you!" she yells, raw-throated, and lunges.

Rei goes down, eyes flying wide as the German's hands descend on her throat and begin to squeeze. Her own hands reach up and flail at the vise tightening around her neck, clawing weekly at it. Hate radiates off Asuka, burning from her eyes and seeping out from her being; she has something to focus on besides that damn Angel and what it's forcing her to remember, and she will _take and take _and take with violent vigor.

The red-eyed girl's struggles become weaker, and eventually Rei ceases to fight. Her hands reach up toward Asuka, resting gently on her throat, cold fingers burning against Asuka's flushed skin. The hands float up, caress the other's face, fall back to the darkness that serves as both floor and surrounding.

Asuka freezes.

_I am not a doll. _

She'd slapped her.

_Yes. _

She would die for the commander. Was she here on his orders?

Silence.

Silence.

"Well, are you?" Asuka rasps through strained vocal chords.

"Your heart is broken," whispers Rei, her voice faint under Asuka's pressure. "You cannot pilot your EVA while your heart is broken."

"Who are you to tell me that?! You, who don't feel anything; you, the Commander's stupid doll! You don't have the right to tell me anything!"

"When you hit me in the elevator, I felt anger. When you said you hated me, I knew hate. When I realized how broken you were, I felt empathy. You are like me. Half of a whole."

"Shut up!"

"You seek to build yourself on a pedestal of confidence you yourself do not possess. You crave love to prove your own worth. You carry yourself as an adult, but your heart is still that of a child's."

Ragged breathing fills the void between the two. The forceful press of Asuka's hands is gone, replaced by weak, fluttering touches, as if Asuka cannot bring herself to continue.

She knows what Rei says is true.

She wonders why the doll, of all people, is who her mind chooses to speak to her. Perhaps because- _Gott verdammt- _the apparition is right and they do have some things in common.

Damn that doll.

_I am not a doll. _

Rei pushes Asuka's arms aside and presses her lips to Asuka's, the only thing she can do that this Asuka will be receptive to. The German does not hit her or pull away.

The gentle touch of smooth flesh on hers is an abomination, but it comforting. It doesn't hurt, and her mind throws itself into this escape without hesitation. Asuka's eyes shut and she lets Rei push her down, their lips still connected.

Then the contact is gone, replaced by an absence of warmth. Asuka opens her eyes; she is balled up on a concrete slab next to Unit-02 and surrounded by yellow caution tape. There, just inside the makeshift barrier, eyes still closed, is Wondergirl. Asuka glimpses purple marks against either side of her neck that look eerily familiar. She knows who left those marks.

The albino opens her eyes and fixates on Asuka. "You've returned," she remarks.

"Was that real?" demands Asuka. Rei brushes the question aside with her usual cold demeanor and places a hand over Asuka's. The redhead pulls away sharply. Rei offers no other action, but her eyes say it all. Asuka turns away.

"I hate you," she seethes.

Arms settle around her shoulders; a warm voice against her neck replies, "I know."


End file.
